08 May 2015
May 8, 2015

Be Like Water

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woman aloneLooking back on this winter, I wonder how someone as extroverted as myself would choose to be alone so much. And not always happily. True, I was side-lined from skiing and yoga with a long drawn out shoulder injury. Did I need space? Space to think? To illustrate to myself exactly how I don’t want to live? I don’t know. And I guess it doesn’t really matter. I made the choice and it’s over.

UnderstandingMidwinter I put on my thinking cap and decided to focus on making more space – physical space. I’ve been chippin’ away at my own crap for a while but I’m finally ready to tackle “the man stuff”. My late husband Lance was a contractor and it’s taken 7 1/2 years to conclude that I will never use a chop saw. Or a table saw. I fantasized about wielding the chain saw but, with visions of lost limbs dancing in my head, I’m ready to let that go as well.

Once I started identifying items for my big sale, “helpers” started popping up – the man who sold Lance many of the tools will help  price them. He knows someone who will take those 24 windows. The school might take the weight machine. A builder of guitars is interested in the bench sander. A former student is moving into her first apartment and needs furniture. Holy moly, I keep on gaining space.

So what will all this cleaned out, tidy house space bring me? A huge feeling of accomplishment, fer sher. Maybe there’s a letting go here as well. Maybe there’s making space for someone else to come into my life. Maybe it’s the freedom to sell the house and move to a city, where I can walk to a coffee shop and live music and get involved in some groovy save the world endeavor. The future is always so filled with maybes.

What I do know is how I want to feel: strong, affluent, connected, creative, loved. I felt just a smidgin of these this winter. And for some reason I sat in that. So I’ll use these feeling words to guide me to do things differently, loose plans floating around them. My current mission is to trust & flow.

My feelings are my compass, my map. And it’s time to step into the water.


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