Resisting. Stalling. Procrastinating. Fearful. Loser. Lazy. These are the words Bootsy (one of my inner voices) has been using to describe me lately. Because I haven’t done what I thought I should do. And I know better than to listen to shoulds. Shoulds are usually what others expect. And expectations are the mother of all heartache.  Expectation is assuming you know the outcome. And when it comes to people, they can be pretty unpredictable.

So, what have I been stalling on? Marketing my life coaching business. In November, I came up with a varied list of coaching options.worrying I was excited about doing workshops again. I offered this to several organizations. I vowed to post regularly. I hired a photographer for new pictures for my website. I signed up for a free month of Newsletter Builder. I bought an online course on using social media. Then I stopped. I didn’t contact the organizations again to pursue my workshop ideas. I didn’t write posts. I didn’t create a newsletter. I didn’t start the social media course. I fretted. I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Maybe Bootsy’s right.

Then I had a crucial conversation with my life coach, Ed. The bottom line was, if it’s so damn hard, why not simply stop? Welllll, I love to coach. And I’m good at it. What I don’t like is to market. But there’s more to it.

The original plan when I started my coach training was to work with my husband, Lance, a talented coach. Then he died. I’ve told myself for these past 7 1/2 years that I could do it by myself. But I don’t want to. I collaborated with 2 women (The Bona Fide Butterflies) for 3 years, facilitating retreats, offering workshops, then we each began to go our separate ways. It was a great run and I learned how much I thrive on collaboration.

collaborateSo, this morning, as I put on my coat to walk the dog, it hit me –  I had wanted to coach with Lance. I have never wanted to run a business by myself. I don’t want to work alone.  All the online business courses I’ve taken, reading I’ve done, do not erase this fact. So I imagined dropping the marketing pieces and felt my entire body relax. Finally I’m listening. To me.

So now the question is, what DO I do to be who I am? I thrive on interacting with people. I really enjoy young energy. I live where there are few and fewer all the time, in the middle of mountainous beauty, population zilch. I have my eyes on some college cities so big changes are gonna come. One step at a time. And they don’t involve torturing myself with shoulds and expectations. Take that, Bootsy.


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